I’m a Bad Friend

Wow, this is hard for me to admit. I like to think I’m a good friend. I strive to be a good friend every day of my life. I have a village of friends, either real life or online, who mean the world to me. They’re there for me whenever I need someone to lift me up or give me strength. They’re there when I need prayers or someone to laugh at me. They’re there when I am so overwhelmed, and I just need to cry or scream.

Lately, though, especially these past few weeks, I feel like I’m drowning, barely keeping my head above water, and I’m not returning the love and support I receive from my village. It makes me sad, because I never want my friends to feel like I don’t return their love or devotion. I forget to return messages, or when I do respond, it’s a short one worded answer. Sometimes I just disappear for a few days because it’s all I can do to keep going, and I need to just get through the days.

To my village: I love you all with all of my heart. I am so sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like I don’t. I am sorry I’m a flake and forget to return messages. I am sorry if I disappear for a few days and just pop up later. It’s not you, it’s me. Yes, that’s a bad break up line, but seriously. It’s me. It’s the only way I’ve ever learned how to cope. It’s not right, but it’s what I do.

I am sorry my village. I love you more than I can ever describe. I promise to you, even if I’m not in communication every day you are still in my thoughts and prayers.

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