Frustration and Sadness

I am so frustrated by this elimination diet. I realize we have to do it for my son’s health. I get that, so please don’t comment telling me how horrible of a mother I am. I get it. It’s needed.

However, that doesn’t lessen the frustration I have. It doesn’t lessen the frustration and pain and annoyance I have because it just can’t be simple. I hate this disease. I hate that my son, no matter how much he puts on a tough face, has to go through this. I hate that our prescriptions are anywhere from 6-10 a month for him. I realize that it could be worse, but I also wish that it could just be simple.

I’m just sad for him. I’m sad that he can’t eat things without feeling sick and being in pain. I’m sad that he can’t play outside without having asthma problems. I hate that every cough, every weird breath is me worrying he’s reacting to something yet again. Part of me wants to be selfish and say screw it all, and just go on the way we were living before, except that won’t work. It won’t. He’s showing symptoms and showing that it is hurting him. I have to be strong and help him navigate through this hard time. I have to. I also need to have faith. I know we aren’t alone in this journey. We have many many people helping us and fighting for us. Most importantly, I have God. I have to lean on a higher power when I’m struggling. It helps to know someone bigger and stronger than me is in control.

I’m allowing myself this pity party, and tomorrow will be a new day where I will fight and show him that it’s not a huge deal, and we can handle anything we have to handle. Tonight, though, I’m going to allow myself to be sad.

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