I knew the meltdown was coming. I just knew. Zach had done a lot of social activities all weekend. He had been in a really good mood, and normally that really good mood comes crashing down at the worst possible time.
Kasey left Friday, and Zach has a harder time than the other boys with him leaving. The problem is that Zach doesn’t have the proper skills to communicate his feelings. He bottles it all in until he can’t anymore, and he blows. I won’t say who he gets this from, but this journey has given me a lot of self reflection.
Anyhow, I knew it was coming. He spent most of the day wrapped up in his big hoodie, avoiding eye contact. He didn’t want to go anywhere. He needed recharge time. Then when the neighbors came home he wanted to go out and play so I said okay.
I won’t get into details, but Zach blew up and embarrassed me in the process. I knew it was coming. I keep saying that, but I just knew. I shouldn’t have let him play outside, but then again he needed to burn energy. I guess it would have happened no matter what, but tonight was not a good night.
Tomorrow will be better. We will go to bed, get a full nights sleep and wake up refreshed for a new day. Tonight, though, I’m going to be sad and angry and frustrated, because no matter how much I wish and try, Zach will fight this his entire life and these meltdowns will happen.
Tomorrow I will pick myself up and have a new day, but tonight I will cry.