To the Me that Used to Be

A Letter

Dear Me that Used to Be,

I see you there, in the back of my mind. You are there, and will always be there. I sometimes pretend I don’t remember you, but you are always there.

You show up in times when the me now is insecure. You show up with anxiety. You show up when I am feeling out of control and need something, anything to hang on to, to make it all make sense. I can’t forget you’re there, no matter how much I wish I could. You are always there.

I have worked hard to grow, to change, to become a stronger woman. I have worked hard to grow beyond the demons of my past. I have let go of friendships that keep me down back to the way I used to be. No matter how much I wish I didn’t have to let those go, it was for the best. I can not and will not be strong if I hold on to my past.

I am stronger now. I am a fighter for my children.  I am a fighter for my marriage. I have more confidence than I did. I am growing, still, molding into an even stronger adult. I have a higher power I rely on for a strength greater than a human can give. God is the only way I can keep growing. I hold on to that comfort.

But yet, you’re still there. No matter how much I wish I could ignore the me that used to be, I can’t. You will always be a part of me. You will be the insecurities that try to bubble up. You will be the anxiety that comes when I can’t control my surroundings. You will be the doubt that creeps up.

It’s okay, me that used to be. We are okay. You don’t have to worry anymore. We are strong. We can handle this journey of life. You are safe. I’ve got this. If I don’t have this, then God has this, and He will make sure we are okay.

I won’t ever forget you, me that used to be, but I don’t want to be you anymore.

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